


Tinfoil

by Aeacus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Multi, Not Always Right inspiration, Polyamory, Sloppy Makeouts, Time Skips, possible rating change later, wasn't suppose to write this much, will tag later with update
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-04-26 05:24:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4991908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeacus/pseuds/Aeacus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is stuck in a convenience store as the night shift clerk. He usually sees some interesting characters, but this one takes the cake and then some as John expands his circle of friends and his definition of friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Starting Act

It’s not much of a job, but it pays. John likes the odd hours. It fits the odd merchandise. This store sells almost everything that you could need during a normal day. And then some. It was the most convenient convenience store John could think of. Groceries, liquor, sewing kits, children’s toys, kitchenware, hallmark cards, pet food, books and magazines, novelty gifts. Almost everything. A variety store.

John liked going around collecting random materials and putting them together into buildings, towers, or pranks. Usually around two in the morning this little old man in a cute hat would come in for a couple groceries. He always commented on John’s ‘can town’ and offered suggestions for what to improve. By the end of his shift, John would take a picture of it and add it to the wall that made up all of the other creations before returning the materials back to the shelves. No one minded and there are only a couple regulars that come in.

He’s putting the finishing touches on his latest creation- a cheese whiz and paper towel tower- when he hears shouting outside.

He gets behind the counter and makes sure the bat is handy just in case there is trouble. He didn’t want another incident. Granted the police sided with him, but he still felt guilty over the twelve stitches he gave the would be robber. It was just one hit!

He looks out the window and sees a guy coming towards the door screaming into his cell phone. John sizes him up. He looks like a burly short guy with dark curly hair. Kinda mean looking. John hopes that it only takes one hit to take him down because John doesn’t want to get hit by that dude.

He walks in mid-scream. “-JUST GOT TO RICHARD’S BECAUSE YOUR SUCH A DICK, YOU SELF ABSORBED ASSHOLE! I’m EXHAUSTED and seeing DOUBLE and probably HALLUCINATING a little, just a little, from lack of SLEEP but instead of laying in my MAGNIFICENT bed, I am dealing with YOUR GARBAGE!” He stalks through the store. That’s a weak word for what he is actually doing, but John doesn’t have the vocabulary to explain it. John comes around the counter though to watch the man who seems to know exactly where he is going. Maybe he’s a regular during normals hours. Coming in at four thirty in the morning though is odd for nearly anyone. Even the drug dealers have gone to bed.

The man looks up and sees John at the end of the aisle. His eyes glances down to John’s name tag and then back up before he grabs an entire stack of canned cat food from off the shelf with his free hand.

“And you know what else? Now there’s another night ruined because of you, you cumstained sweatsock of a human being. John is stuck working tonight at Richard’s and has to put up with this BULLSHIT.” John pales as he hears his name get inadvertently pulled into the situation. He scurries back to his post at the front of the store. Not that it helps. “He was probably looking forward to a fucking quiet night where he could do some fucking cleaning, do some fucking inventory, and just fucking take it east. Instead, he has to stand behind the counter listening to a crazy man screaming into his phone because HIS ROOMMATE IS A STUPID, MOTHERFUCKING, SELFISH, IDIOTIC TOOL!” He’s obnoxiously loud when he gets around to it. But then he switches to a growl that sounds like gravel rolling down a hill as he comes up to the till. “If you think I’m going to put up with your stupidity for another-”

He looks up with a clam blank look. He lowers his phone and pulls out his wallet.

“Um...” John starts.”

“His voicemail just cut out again.” He’s perfectly calm now. In fact, he’s actually smiling a little despite the dark circles around his eyes.

“What happened?” John asks. He can’t help but ask. This is the weirdest thing that has happened to him since that clown stumbled in and bought out the store’s faygo stash.

The man hands over the stack of cat food and John starts ringing him up. “I work in a twenty-four hour call center. I just had the shift from hell where everything that could go wrong did go wrong and everyone decided it was my fucking fault and that they needed to shit all over me to make it all better.” He starts tapping on his phone as if dialing again.

“Well that sounds terrible.”

“Oh it gets better. Because when I get home to find my roommate’s cat howling and crying and pissing all over the play because she’s hungry and we have no cat food. That in itself wouldn’t be that bad because places like this are open but you know what, that ungrateful little shit of a roommate knew, knew that we were out, but he went partying anyway and left me to deal with her and her ravenous appetite.” He lifts the phone to his ear. John can hear the little beep of the voicemail. “So I’m here at four FUCKING thirty in the FUCKING GODDAMN MORNING making John’s night WORSE because my roommate is a PRIMATIVE HORSESHITTING FUCK-FOR-BRAIN ASSHOLE! The cat is howling and screaming bloody murder, and I can’t sleep until it’s fed but GOD FUCKING FORBID that ANYBODY interfere with the SHAMEFUCKING SHITSQUATTING FUCKSPONGE’S latest HOOKUP!”

John scans the cat food, get the total, takes the man’s credit card to swipe while the man continues to scream very creative obscenities into his phone. Apparently the voicemail ends again and like a switch, his demeanor switches back to calm and rational. He apologizes for his behavior as he signs the receipt.

“I hope the rest of your night is calm and quiet, John.”

“Oh, it’s almost over.”

“That’s good. Sorry for the trouble,” he says as he lifts the phone again. “You hear that? You need to get your STUPID FUCKSQUATTING RAINBOW BILGESACK SELF down here and APOLOGIZE to John for making his FUCKING night that much FUCKING STUPIDER!” He walks out carrying the bag of cat food and still screaming into his phone with John snickering in the background.

Oh boy he had a story to tell Mister Mayor the next night.

* * *

The story lasts John almost a full week. He chuckles to himself when ever he thinks about the angry man and his roommate. He wonders briefly over what kind of cat he owned and hat his roommate’s reaction to the voicemails were. He wonders what kind of person can be roommates with someone who has such anger issues. Thought he did seem polite when he wasn’t screaming. And honestly his curses were quite creative. John usually just gets stuck in a loop of ‘fucker’, ‘piece of shit’, ‘bastard’, and ‘bitch’. John kind of wants the guy to come back to give him a course on cursing.

And maybe his number.

So that they could go out for drinks as friends. For lessons on the art of cursing. Yeah, that’s it.

John’s about to give up on his angry cursing ‘friend’ and relegate him to just one of those stories when he comes back. And he comes back with someone else.

John watches the two of them from the counter, having popped up when he heard the familiar ding of the door from were he had been reorganizing the smokes from the previous clerk who had a penchant to organize everything by ‘taste’ which looks remarkably like a rainbow of the packages. John hates her. She does it just to screw with him because he’s not going to notice until almost the end of the shift  and sometimes he doesn’t notice what she’s fucked up this time and he gets reprimanded by the boss. He wants to take her out for a drink as well. To congratulate her on her pranking abilities. Yeah, that’s it.

Enough about John’s coworker though. John’s much more interested in the new guy. He complements the other. Tall and blonde and thin like a willow. Well, John thinks he’s blonde. His hair seems to pick up whatever colored light is nearest. He looks best in red light. Thought John would never think he looks best in any light. Instead he thinks he’s a douche because he’s wearing sunglasses like a douche at four in the morning.

The other is still short and dark and carries a surly air about him but his voice now that he’s not screaming every two seconds is actually a deep bass counterpart to the tall treble. John finally feels like those years his dad made him take piano pay off. He actually catches half a laugh from mister screamo as the tall blonde comments about something in front of the junk food.

They finally decide on something, actually an armful of somethings, and bring it up to the counter. The dark short one finally sees John and his eyes brighten.

“Oh it’s you! I’d glad i didn’t scare you off. How have you been, John?”

“Good. Good. You didn’t scare me off, though i was about to believe you were just a figment of my imagination, though usually my figments have gray skin and candy corn horns.”

“Whatever shit you’re on? I want in.”

“Just high on life. How’s the cat?”

“She’s good. The spider bitch only yowls when you don’t have two hands on her at all times now. As long as you pet her, she’s fine.”

“Spider bitch?”

“Long story.”

“Her real name is Vriska,” the tall blonde cuts in. “And she’s not that bad, Vantas.”

Vantas (what kinda name is that, it’s almost as dark and growly as it’s owner) throws a baleful eye up at him. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes towards John as if saying ‘will you believe this kid?’ John just smiles and grabs their stuff to start scanning them in.

Then Vantas elbows the tall one in the side.

“Hey, what was that for?”

“Well?” he asks expectantly.

“Well what?”

“This is John.”

The blonde looks him over. “Sup?”

“Hi.” John smiles at him.

“Well? Aren’t you going to apologize, Strider?”

“For what?” The blonde, Strider looks offended at even the thought that he might have done something wrong. John tries to hide the laugh. He almost loses it when he sees the glower growing over Vantas’ head. His eyes narrows as he slowly turns to face Strider.

His voice is dark and gravely, promising of things to come. “You didn’t listen to my voicemails, did you?”

 


	2. Morning After

After one of the most epic tirades John’s ever heard or even thought possible that went on for two hours with only a brief intermission when someone else walked blearily into the store (Vantas had glared venomously at Strider the entire time, trembling with rage like a chihuahua in a pitbull suit), John’s two new friends invited him out to breakfast.

It was a strange turn of events to be sure. He hadn’t expected the invitation. He hadn’t expected them to apologize for making him sit through the entire tantrum as Strider called it. He had to of course because happened while he was at his job, but he kinda also wanted to stay through the whole thing. To learn more creative cursing. Also Strider’s facial expressions both when Vantas was and wasn’t were quite humorous to the situation making John hard pressed not to laugh. Even then, some of Vantas’ word choices did earn him some escaped giggles.

So in apology they invited him out to breakfast after his shift was over. Which was in fifteen minutes. They both gawk at the clock, also surprised at how much time had passed. They shrugged and told him that they’d be at the Waffle House up the street before heading out.

Now John has ten minutes left of handing the job off to the next shift to decide if he was going to show up at Waffle House. Obviously it would be stupid to go all the way home to clean up and change, but they must be expecting him to show up as is. He feels nervous but can’t exactly pin down why. It’s not like these guys are going to drastically change his life. He’s pretty sure they aren’t serial murders or anything. They do seem a bit older than him but his father is always telling him that he needs to network.

He’s not sure why he’s even discussing it in his head. He already knows he’s going. He’s not even sure who he’s trying to justify his reasons to.

After the handoff is done, he goes to the bathroom and freshens up as much as he can. He washes his face and rubs at his eyes under his black framed glasses. The bags under his eyes aren’t too bad. And nothing compared to Vantas’ really. He runs his hands through his hair but there is no taming the black curly hair. He’s a little jealous of how straight and nice Strider’s is. But he wonders why Strider wears those sunglasses. At night too. Maybe he does drugs and his eyes were red, but he didn’t seem like he was high. John shakes his head. Better to ask than to guess or assume.

The Waffle House is literally two blocks up the street so John bypasses his car entirely and just walks to the restaurant. He sees Vantas and Strider at one of the booths, strangely sitting together on one side. From anyone else’s point of view it would look awkward as Vantas is pointing out based on his gestures, but to John he just appreciates the fact he doesn’t have to choose who to sit next to.

“Hey guys!”

“Hey yourself. We were about to come down and drag you out if you hadn’t shown up in five minutes,” Strider explains as he relaxes in the booth. He flicks his head a little to catch the attention of the waitress.

“No, we would have just assumed that you thought we were random creeps who asked you out for food and you came up with enough common sense to fuck off and do something safe like go home and sleep,” Vantas actually explains. “But it looks like you don’t have any common sense or we somehow convinced you that we aren’t psycho weirdos-”

“Which standing through after two of your rages, I’m honestly surprised.”

“Shut up, Strider. Anyways, we’re glad you are here so that we don’t look like complete jackasses anymore for sitting on this side of the table.”

“Aww babe, are you embarrassed to be seen with me?”

“I’m embarrassed on your behalf anytime you go out in public, moron. Especially when it’s in my presence.”

John can’t help but smile at their interactions. He’s spared anymore banter by the waitress asking them what he wants to drink. He gets a coffee to go along with the other two mugs on the table. She offers to bring them a pot as well.

“Are y’all ready to order or do you need any more time?”

Both Strider and Vantas look over at John.

“Uh... can I get the Superstar? Toast. Bacon. Uh... scrambled with cheese. And um... grits please.”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” She turns and looks at the other two.

“Can I please also get the Superstar with bacon, grits, toast, and scrambled eggs with cheese please?”

“Cheese please,” Strider snickers to himself with John’s giggles. “And I’m gonna make it easy on you. I’m getting same exact damn thing.”

“Sound good. I’ll go put these orders in for y’all and get you that coffee.”

There is a pause in the conversation. Then Dave leans forward, “Does she really think she’s Texan? You have to do more than just say ‘y’all’ a couple of times to be Texan. This is coming from a true Texan. I was Texan before she was.”

“Holy shit, calm your hipster tits, there are other parts to the South that use ‘y’all’ besides Texas, dumb fuck. She’s probably from Alabama.”

“Mississippi actually,” John chimes in. “I’ve talked to her before.”

“See?” Vantas looks smug as fuck as Strider crosses his arms and grumps a bit. The effect is ruined by the slight smile that John catches. It kind of makes John wonder about their relationship with each other. It has a comfortable tone to it.

Anna comes back with a third mug of coffee and the extra pot. Vantas immediately refills his without adding any cream or sugar. John makes his as pale as he can without letting it run over the rim. Strider just continues to sip his however he doctored it (not too light or sweet).

“So obviously Strider is from Texas but what sort of name is that? And where are you from, Vantas?”

Vantas looks a bit surprised at John. “How do you know... oh. Those are our last names. It’s a bad habit we picked up from how we met each other. I’m Karkat. Still a crazy name, but what can you do about family. I’m from bum fuck Nebraska but my family is Middle Eastern.”

“Strider is also a family name. My parents kinda went off the rails and my older bro rescued me so we started over with our own names. I’m Dave.”

“Nice to meet you, Karkat and Dave. I’m John. But you already knew that, name tag and all...” he says nervously as he realizes the fact.

“You are like the most average dude I have ever met.”

“Hey!”

“No, no, that’s a good thing. I need a bit of average in my life. If I get too extreme then I do shit like call out Mississippians for attempting to be Texan. If this fuck,” he points his thumb at Karkat, “is the only one reining me back in, then I’ll just slip to the other extreme and start going on massively long tirades about about respecting others and proper animal care.”

“Oh we’d never want that,” Karkat says dryly. “You might listen to some part of what you are saying.” John bursts out in laughter. These guys are great.

* * *

Breakfast was amazing of course and the conversation with it fascinating. John feels himself still drawn in by the two strangers, almost friends. He wants to be friends with them. He could see their friendship growing as easily comfortable as what Dave and Karkat have.

They burn through about three pots of coffee before Anna cuts them off because they are getting jittery and loud as the caffeine keeps them awake past their last night shift and adventures.

“You, John the average guy, should come back to our place for a shitty movie and couch crash,” Dave demands, leaning over the table with as earnest an expression as he can manage with his hipster sunglasses on.

“Jeez, with such an endorsement how can I refuse.” John rolls his eyes, even though that does sound like a good idea.

“You don’t look like you could get more than a block without falling over. No way you can operate machinery like a car to get home with the way your hands are shaking,” Karkat tells him. “Come back to our place.”

“Alright.”

“You just have to trust us that we’re not serial killers preying on last night cashie- Oh. You already said yes.”

“Good job, Strider.”

“I’ll still come over. I’m tired as fuck but also hyper as fuck from that last pot of coffee. I think they might have laced it with something. I swear I can see the music coming from the speakers.” The other two trade glances and nod. Dave snatches up the three tickets and kicks Karkat out of the bench to pay them, ignoring all protests from John. Karkat drags John out the door and heads down the street, reassuring him that Dave would catch up soon enough.

A minute or so later Dave comes... skipping up to them. John bursts out laughing, leaning against Karkat as he can’t quite breathe properly even as Dave pouts at him. He can’t seem to stand still for too long as he’s already bouncing. He’s apparently feeling the affects of the coffee as well. Karkat gets them moving again.

Their place is only a block down, a mid range apartment complex. John starts giggling in the elevator over nothing. By the time the doors open at the top, all three of them are laughing at each other. Karkat has to calm down enough to get his keys into the lock while John and Dave lean against each other in hysterics. They all somehow manage to land on the couch after kicking off his shoes.

“What do we have in the player?” Dave asks as he throws an arm across John’s shoulder to poke Karkat in his face.

“Pretty Woman.” Karkat leans away from Dave’s finger, leaning all the way to grab the remote from the table.

“That’ll work. Put it on.”

When Karkat comes back to rest against John’s side, Dave doesn’t poke Karkat’s cheek again but he doesn’t pull his arm back either. John doesn’t mind actually. He’s still a bit twitchy from the caffeine; they’re calming. He’s warmer than normal but so are the other two and it’s comfortable. Pretty Woman is an odd choice of movies but it’s a good classic, made better by Dave’s witty comments and Karkat’s banter.

Both of them trail off about halfway through as their mutual heat settles them and their long hours catch up. All three of them fall asleep against each other.

* * *

_ Bweep! Bweep! Bweep! Bwe- _

It would have been more satisfying to hear a smack or crunch of an alarm clock being hit to snooze, but unfortunately, cell phone alarms no longer work that way. Karkat tucks the phone away as he stands up and stretches. The other two look up and glare at him blearily.

“Sorry. My shift starts soon enough. Fucking work. At least it puts food on the table,” Karkat grumbles as he heads to one of the rooms off to the side.

“Do you want me to make you something?” Dave calls out.

“Maybe a sandwich to go?”

“Cool.” Dave carefully pulls himself from under a large blue gray cat that apparently manifested over the afternoon onto his lap and heads to the kitchen. The cat looks up at John with her one good eye before snubbing him to curl up by herself at the end of the couch, licking her scarred up front leg. John grumps on the couch for a little bit longer until he gets too chilled from the lack of dual body heat on either side. He gets up and stretches as well, the couch and his position putting a bit of a kink in his back. “I’ll make you something real to eat, John, after I get Vantas on his way. Feel free to freshen up in my bathroom. Door to the left, then make another left.”

“Oh, thanks.” It’s always interesting in a weird way the way it feels the first time one enters a bathroom not their own. Public bathrooms general share the same aura or fall into certain categories, but personal bathrooms always have very specific feels to them. Dave’s is no different.

It’s surprisingly neat. Hair products on one side, face and teeth on the other. The sink and mirror are clean and nothing funky is going on with the toilet or shower. Even under the cabinets are nice and neat. Okay John might have been a little nosey to find that out, but who can blame him. A bathroom can speak a lot about a person.

John doesn’t do his whole routine, can’t really without his own stuff. But he does wash his face and brush his teeth briefly with his finger just to get a fresh mouth. He borrows some of Dave’s spray deodorant since he can’t do anything with his clothes yet. He exits about the same time Karkat does, the other having exchanged jeans and a sweatshirt for khakis and a polo. It cleans him up well, but seems a bit sterile, a bit cookie cutter for the audacious personality that John knows lurks underneath that placid smile.

“Turn off that creepy customer service smile, Vantas, you’re freaking John out.”

“No, no, it’s not that,” John quickly defends.

“Oh? Then why are you staring? Maybe he has a cubicle rat fetish,” Dave crows from the kitchen as John blushes and Karkat’s face transforms into a comfortable scowl, like all of the lines and creases on his face were built for it.

“Don’t fucking call me that, Strider.” He stalks over to the kitchen and roughly grabs the sandwich off the plate that Dave just set out for him. “Just because I work in some cubicle farm doesn’t make me a rat.”

“But isn’t your paycheck, kinda like the cheese at the end of the maze,” John offers.

“Don’t fucking encourage him, nookbite. He has a massive ego anyways. Too much more and it won’t fit through the fucking door. Then we’ll have to take out a wall and uses a crane to move his massive pride-”

“More like massive cock!”

“-to the fucking landfill where it belongs with the rest of the insufferable kringlefucking trash of this godforsaken city.”

“Oh you just say the nicest things about me, don’t you, Vantas?” Dave sighs out while leaning over and fluttering his eyes at his roommate.

“Ugh.” Karkat shoves his free hand into Dave’s face. “Your stupid shameshitting fucksponge of a face makes me want to vomit up all of my internal organs just to try to cover some of the hideous mess that you are.”

“Love you too, sugar plump.” John notices the barest of blushes on Karkat’s dark face. “Have a good day at work. I’ll make sure I’ll feed Vriska tonight so she’s not such a bitch when you come home.” Dave grabs the shorter man’s shoulders and propels him out the door, giving him only just enough time to grab his keys and open the door along the way. John muses on how smooth their actions are and wonders how often they do this.

It’s kinda cute.

When Karkat is gone, Dave looks back at John. “So I’m feeling like a frittata tonight.”

“A what? Oh, oh yeah that sounds good.”

“Sweet.” He starts moving around the kitchen to pull out all of the necessary ingredients which looks like more vegetables than John usually eats in a week.

John settles in on one of the stools counter to watch him work. Dave gets him a soda. After Dave gets the pan out and starts cutting up the cauliflower and zucchini, there is movements at John’s side and a gray head bumping at his elbow. John rearranges himself so he can pet her.

“Seems like she accepts you. That’s a good sign.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, she barely tolerates Vantas and that’s only as long as he obeys her every whim. Which apparently you’ve picked on how to do as well. She loves her good ear scratched by the way.”

“What happened to her?” John asks as he looks over the furless scars on her left side.

“No idea. Happened before she adopted me. I found her on the streets when she basically threw herself at my mercy and wouldn’t take no for an answer. The best we can tell after some vet visits, she’s a singapura, a street cat from Singapore. Not sure if she’s actually from there but I wouldn’t be surprised. She’s totally blind in that one eye and fairly numb in that arm. She can still walk on it though which is good. She’s gotten hefty though living here, but I’m not about to tell her no. Karkat pretty much has permanent bite marks on his hand from trying that route.”

John looks at her warily. She looks up at him with her one good eye, smug as fuck. “Huh.”

“She’s great company though when Karkat leaves me home alone. She likes to go up to the roof and play with the pigeons up there. They probably don’t think of it that way though.”

“Do you work?” John asks as his brain makes the connection but not before he can apply any tact to it.

Thankfully Dave just smirks and rolls with it. “I’m not a freeloader relying on Karkat’s generosity. Though he’s held this job longer than I thought he would. Who would have thought that his personality would make it in customer service? I however play into my talents instead of packaging them all up nice and neat and shoving them into the back of the closet where they explode on undeserving- okay kinda deserving roommates. But he honestly needs a reason to blow up outside of work so that it doesn’t build up and go nuclear all over some little old lady who just needs some technical help because she was born last century. I’m a photographer, professional photographer,” he finally answers John’s question. “I work ad hoc, usually going to events as hosts or newspapers hire me. Isn’t a high rolling job, but at least I don’t have to cubicle farm it. And I get to spend more time at home with my princess. Isn’t that right, Vriska?” He waves a twig of basil at the cat for her to bat at. John can’t help but smile. “But between the two of us, we make it pretty comfortably.”

“So are the two of you just roommates or...?” Once again, John’s mouth runs ahead of his manners. “I mean I don’t want to be rude or imply anything but... The two of you pretty comfortable with each other.”

“There is a bit of an ‘or’ involved. We’re more like roommates with benefits. We balance each other out pretty well. I couldn’t imagine rooming with anyone else. He’s my better half. No, I take that back, I’m totally the better half. He’s just the louder half so he gets noticed more. It’s like in those games where you have to shout the word out fastest and it just gets louder and louder because that’s who the judge ends up hearing? Yeah, I’m the loser who never gets the point while Vantas gets all the goddamn points. Because he’s loud.”

“Got it.” That answered some questions but not all that John has. But he’ll keep his mouth shut for the time being, content to watch Dave finish up with the frittata and salad.

* * *

Another question is answered after dinner as dessert is served directly from Dave’s tongue.

It’s simply vanilla ice cream but it tastes so much sweeter with Dave involved. Dinner had been fantastic and John gave enough praise to apparently become worthy enough for the special afterwards. Dave is just as hot as he was during their mid-afternoon nap and contrasts with the cool cream perfectly. John just wants to get closer and closer to him during the kiss, all the way up to the point of climbing into Dave’s lap. Dave’s hands casually settle just above his hips, but the way his fingers twitch bely how much he wants just a little bit more. John’s flattered to get this much attention. Usually he is the boring average and easily shown up by those around him. Dave himself is just so amazing. Tall and talented, handsome and funny. He’s great. And he’s kissing John.

Dave might be able to control his hands but John has no such issue. His hands slide up Dave’s chest to cup his neck. Oh, that’s a nice sound. He slides his hands into Dave’s hair accidentally tugging as he catches on some product. Those cute noises turn up a notch and John drinks them down.

John’s kissed before, but nothing like this. Kissing Dave is something else.

Dave’s fingers grip against the back of John’s shirt, slowly creeping up and pulling him close. John scoots his hips closer and oh wow, that’s-

_Bweep! Bweep! Bweep! Bweep! Bwee-_

John scrambles off Dave’s lap to turn off his phone. “Damn it! It’s that late already? I’m not going to be able to change clothes before my next shift!”

Dave drapes himself over John’s back. “Call in sick.”

“I can’t. I had food poisoning last week. My boss will have my hide if I’m out two weeks in a row. Plus I’m not sick.”

“Oh, you’re a goodie two shoes. No wonder Vantas likes you. I mean, I like you too. But not because you’re a goodie two shoes. Gimme your phone.”

“What? Why?” He holds it away.

“Oh. My. God. Just give it to me.” He leans completely on John, pinning him against the couch. John really likes this position- “Got it.” Dave retreats with John’s phone in hand, still unlocked. He quickly taps away and shortly there is a ping elsewhere in the apartment. “There.”

“What did you do?”

“I gave you my number. And sent myself a text so that I would have your number.”

“Uh...”

“Because you have come over again.” Dave tosses his phone back. John looks down at it and then up at Dave who’s leaning in really close. “I want you to come over again.” He kisses John again.

“Uh... yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

“Cool. Now off with you. You got a job to do.” Dave pushes him up off the couch and basically mothers him into putting on his shoes and making sure if he has his phone, keys, and wallet before kicking him out of the apartment much like how he did with Karkat.

John finds himself heading to the convenience store before really realizing it. He’s wearing a smile as he walks in, letting the entrance bells chime.

“Oh ho ho! Look who’s actually early for his shift. This a special occasion, Egbert?” his second shift coworker cackles from the counter. She swings her legs from her perch, it has to be a perch not just a seat to her.

“Still not sure how you can tell it’s me. You can’t even see that far.”

“I’ll always know it’s my favorite blue raspberry boy. Though... come closer.” The girl crooks her finger at him as she squints behind her glasses, specially modified to let her see the little bit that she can. “Is that... Is that the same outfit you were wearing yesterday?”

“What? How can you tell? You can’t see!”

“No, but I can certainly smell. Eau de college hookup. It’s not quite Axe though so I’ll give you credit for that. But it’s not your usual... Did you just walk of shame back to your job? Oh my dear lord in heaven-”

“It’s not like that at all, Terezi!”

“Egbert, Egbert, Egbert, my dear boy.”

“They were just friends and it was just breakfast and dinner-”

“Don’t kiss and tell, Egbert. I’ll let you marinate overnight though. Here are the keys. Try not to get robbed!” She singsongs as she pushes off from the counter and saunters away leaving John to stand there in his shame. At least the shop is otherwise empty.


	3. Some Time Later

John blearily wakes up to his phone going off in an apparent string of rapid fire text messages. He flips it over and squints at the bright light to read the mass of words.

TG: so i thought i told you to come over again  
TG: that wasnt just a suggestion  
TG: i really mean it  
TG: i need you  
TG: i need you to come distract vantas so i can kick his ass at mario kart  
TG: yet you are nowhere to be seen  
TG: youre just sleeping off your terrible night shift  
TG: okay its not that terrible i get some of my best work done at night under the influence of the witching hour though i really need a better lens to capture the moon ive seen some great shots but it jus  
TG: t comes out as this little speck of white in the sky and not nearly as cool as he can see with our human eyes i wish i had a camera that was like a human eye or took the images directly from my eye my  
TG:  brain so i could frame the shot accurately and get the right lighting and shit because our eyes are like the most advanced lens and im too impatient to wait for technology to catch up with my fantasie  
TG: s  
TG: vantas says im getting off track again so just get over here  
TG: well make dinner again  
GT: what are you making?  
TG: he lives hurrah  
TG: if im cooking im making portobello pizza  
TG: if vantas is cooking i think were having moroccan roasted veggie stew or something like that  
TG: he has tonight off the lazy bum  
GT: both sound pretty good.  
GT: i’ll be over in like fifteen minutes.  
TG: sweet just come on in

John rolls himself out of bed and stumbles around his apartment getting ready. The can of soda he cracks open helps a bit, but fifteen minutes was still a bit of a stretch. He makes sure to pack a clean outfit for work in a small bag before heading out. It’s only a little earlier than he usually wakes up for his day. Having a night shift really rearranges one’s sleeping schedule.

It takes him five minutes longer than he promised to get to their apartment, but he’s sure they’ll forgive him. Though from the way he can hear the yelling through the door and down the hallway, maybe he should come back later... No, they can’t be yelling at him yet and he doesn’t quite want to miss more of Karkat’s rantings. He turns the knob and pushes open the door.

Sure enough as Dave mentioned, they are playing Mario Kart. Though it seems to be a more bodily version that John is used to. He ends up picking up Vriska who is pawing at his legs for some attention and sitting on the side couch seat thing, not wanting to get involved just yet. Dave flashes him a smile to let him know his presence was welcomed just before Karkat slams into him, trying to derail him off the track. On the couch, not in the game. In the game, Dave is on the final straightaway and takes first place for the race, much to karkat’s vocal displeasure. He finishes third.

Their tournament record comes up on the screen and the two roommates are tied for the first three races.

“Last one. Winner gets to-”

“Loser has to go make dinner.”

“Fine, works for me, “ Dave shrugs. John wonders what he was going to offer the winner, especially with the way he was looking at John before he got cut off. “So who are you cheering for, John?”

“I don’t know. Both options sound healthier than I usually eat.”

“Gotta have your vegetables if you want to grow as big and strong as I am. Though somehow Vantas never got the memo and he’s just as short as ev-OOF!” He groans as Karkat pulls the elbow from his guts.

“Okay you douchefucking skyscraper, I’m going to own your shitty pink ass on the track so you can make me dinner and treat me like the king I am.”

“I have a great ass. It just happens to be shitty because that’s where shit comes from. Biology one oh one.”

“Ew! Gross!” John chimes in as Karkat’s face scrunches up in disgust.

“This princess is totally going to make your mushroom a smear on the track.” Dave starts the next race. And it quickly turns into a similar body crashing event. John shouts encouragements for whoever is behind and laughs when their shenanigans cause on screen mayhem.

“Karkat! Now! Now!” John shouts at him to launch the red shell ahead just as Dave takes an important turn near the end. The combination of the attack plus leaping into his lap to knock his controller down is enough to make Dave lose control and drive off the end. He tries to retaliate, discarding his controller entirely to devote both hands to messing with Karkat much to John’s amusement as Karkat gets bright red as he tries not to laugh at the tickling fingers. But the gambit works out and his character crosses the finish line in third place again, but it’s a higher place than whatever Dave is going to get if he finishes at all at this point.

“I won! You snotdribbing sniveling stupid blithering clusterfucker didn’t have a hopeless dickpimple’s worth of a chance of winning. HA HA!”

John’s nearly folded over in half laughing at Karkat’s creative phrasing. “Wow, Dave, you got owned! Guess you’re making dinner.”

“I bet you think that you’re just amazing at Mario Kart. I want to see you try to go up against Cheater McCheat.” Dave tosses the controller at John as he gets up. John juggles the controller before catching it.

"Yeah... I don't really see you as much of a challenge after that fucking amazing display of prowess."

"Shut up. I wasn't ready."

"Are you ready to get your ass handed to you?" Karkat taunts as he resets the game.

"John, kick his lovely toadwart covered posterior for me!" Dave cheers for John from the kitchen.

* * *

Turns out, John thoroughly womps Karkat for the first tournament which has Karkat screaming beginner's luck and demanding a rematch. Dave is still in the kitchen so they go ahead. Karkat barely scrapes together a win. Dave joins in while the pizza is cooking and takes the next one. As they eat dinner they put on some YouTube videos that are Mario Kart inspired.

When they are about to get back into racing, Dave's phone goes off. He scrambles halfway over the back of the couch to answer it. John and Karkat catch each other staring at the presented ass and quickly turn away blushing.

"Strider's Mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em. Some go to heaven, some go to hell-o there!" John snickers at the introduction. Karkat just rolls his eyes, used to his roommate's antics. “Rose! Oh hi sis, didn’t know it was you. Uh huh. Yeah I remember her. Yup. Oh that’ll be nice. And I suppose- Right. I have some company... Nah, Karkat can take care of him for me. Hey hey hey, don’t start that. I don’t bitch about your social life or how you have last minute runway shoots. Yes, I’ll be there. Love you too darling sister. Just text me the place and I’ll text you back an ETA. And if you end up killing anyone, please let me have their bones.” He pulls the phone away from his face. “She hung up on me.”

“Awww, how could anyone ever be that mean to you, Dave,” Karkat mock sympathizes with him.

“I know right?” He slides back to the right side of the couch before flopping over Karkat’s lap as his roommate flaps his arms ineffectually to get him off. “It’s a struggle. But I’ll manage and you get to manage John while I go off to work.” He rolls off of Karkat and the couch and lands on his feet. He disappears into one of the side room to return moments later wearing a jacket, a beanie, shoes, and a camera bag slung over his chest. His phone chirps with a text, presumably with the location of his job. “Play nice kiddies and don’t burn the apartment down.” He waves as he heads out.

The slam of the door kinda leaves the apartment feeling a little empty, a little awkward. John smiles at Karkat. “Another round?”

“Sure, why the fuck not.”

* * *

John’s pretty sure there is something about this apartment that encourages makeouts as he now finds himself lip locked with the other inhabitant. They are sitting on the couch, twisted towards each other. The controllers are dropped somewhere else, completely forgotten as their characters sit idle in the middle of the screen. Karkat’s hand is gripped in John’s hair like he’s afraid John is going to disappear into the ether. John holds his hip like Karkat’s going to bolt.

Kissing Dave was an experience he’d never had before, but Karkat is something completely else. He’s more teeth and shorter kisses instead of the long drawn out pace the other had. John loves both, He enjoys the contrast and couldn’t say one is better than another. Not at all.

The attentions of the shorter brunette are so focused on John that he feels like he’s under a spotlight. Those reddish brown eyes don’t close all the way while kissing him, watching for his reactions like he’s trying to figure John out, what John likes best. John is totally okay with this even if he is making happy noises towards almost everything Karkat is doing to him.

John’s eyes stay close when they part for breath, both of them panting lightly. He’s just basking in the feeling. Then he slowly opens his eyes to see Karkat’s face just as blushed as his. He smiles softly.

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, I fucked up.”

Well that ends the mood pretty quickly. “Uh...”

“I’m sorry, it’s not you. Well it is you but because you aren’t him but that’s not fucking fair to you and oh fuck this is such a fuck blistering mess.”

“Karkat, calm down. Calm down, we just kissed.”

“I know! Fuck. I’m not stupid. I mean, I am but I’m not.” He curls up on the far end of the couch. “I’m freaking out, I’m sorry.”

“Dude, it’s okay. It’s not like I’m about to run out the door.”

“You probably should,” Karkat offers derisively.

“Nope. Not until you tell me what’s going on.” He sits more squarely on the couch. “C’mon, I know I’m a new friend but this is what friends do, right?”

“No it’s not but since I don’t really have anyone else to go to... I’m in love with Dave,” he spits out bluntly.

“Okay... But? I hear a but in there and it’s not necessarily the good kind of but. Though Dave does have a good-”

“But he doesn’t love me back. He can’t love me back. I settle for this dumb one sided roommate relationship thing because it’s the best it’s going to get and it’s enough.”

“Then kissing me...”

“Was a mistake. I don’t really want to drag you through the hell that is my romantic encounters. I’ve tried it before and it doesn’t go well. I’m just not going to get over him. I’ve tried. So it’s really not fair to you. So I can’t do this. I hate to be cliche but it really isn’t you, it’s me.” Karkat sighs heavily. “Feel free to leave at any point now.”

“Nah, I think you’re still one up on me at Mario Kart. It’s time to get my revenge, weakling.” He leans forward and grabs the controllers, tossing one to Karkat. Karkat stares at him. John shakes the controller at him. Karkat finally accepts.

When John’s phone goes off for his shift, they are even for wins. John heads out after changing with a friendly hug and smile. 


	4. Even Later

John likes hanging out with his new friends. Their odd schedules work well with his own and location with respect to his job was great. On more than one occasion he just went directly over to their place to crash on their couch with Vriska curling up on his chest. Karkat called it the strangest thing, garnering hisses from the ‘evil she-devil of a cat’ but Dave just thought it was cute. John really likes how they cook and offers to help out with groceries. He even learns a couple recipes under Dave’s tutelage. And drops a couple of pounds now that he’s not just eating takeout and pizza all the time.

Dave shows him some of his photography work and it’s really impressive how Dave can catch emotions. His candid shots are great and look like Dave was always in the right place at the right time. Dave admits that there are hundreds of other photos that weren’t but if one just keeps clicking that shutter, one will eventually find that one great moment. John admires his dedication. Some of the posed scenes are fantastic too. Dave admits to some photoshop touch up to make certain pieces but to John, it honestly only enhances the effect.

Karkat and John bond over movies. They both enjoy many of the same cinematic masterpieces, must to Dave’s dismay. John does tend toward good hearty adventure pieces but what good adventure doesn’t have a romantic subplot. Karkat likes romantic comedies and John can really get behind the humor in them. Dave simply enjoys the movies; he doesn’t quite enjoy the hours of discussion afterwards as John and Karkat dissect every nuance and possibility. He’ll put up with them of course, usually letting it settle in the back of his mind as buzzing while he pets Vriska or works on some projects. He likes to tease them that they should have been liberal arts majors instead of a computer science major and a business/economics double major respectively. They respond with popcorn to his hair.

They even crash John’s work sometimes, coming down to Richard’s in the middle of his shift for one thing or another. It always makes his night a little better. They even help him with creative Can Town additions. They run into the Can Town orchestrator himself and have great fun talking with Mister Mayor about future projects

One time they actually walked with him to work and met the crazy second shift clerk, red and teal dyed hair and creepy manic grin and all. They instantly took a liking to her which has John feeling pangs of something. Couldn’t be jealousy could it? She kept sending him knowing looks until she had to leave for home. Karkat offered to walk her home, holding his arm out like a gentleman and everything. Terezi just cackled and accepted. The next day she interrogated John about which of them he was sleeping with. When he vehemently denies the accusations, she changes her line of questioning to whom does he want to sleep with? He turns bright red and refuses to answer.

* * *

Later that week he finds himself at Dave and Karkat’s place again. He wishes Karkat off with promises to continue their conversation about _Titanic_ at a later date where he will prove Karkat is totally wrong about Cal’s true intentions. Karkat returns the sentiment with a snarl and a middle finger.

“You know, it’s really surprising he hasn’t been fired from a job like customer service with a temper like that,” John comments as he flops back down on the couch against Dave’s arm.

“Well he’s not always angry. Sometimes he’s bawling his eyes out like the two of you just did over that movie.”

“Your eyes aren’t exactly the Sahara desert, Dave.”

“I think it’s because he’s always had such a temper and therefore all of the anger management classes from middle school on, he knows how to bottle it up for hours at a time. He just lets it flow freely the rest of the time so he can go to his crap job and not scream anyone’s head off. I think there is me and one other person left in the pool on how long that takes. I hope he gets an actual job in his field before then.”

“An actual job like yours?” John jabs.

“Hey, at least I pay my bills. I would die in a cubicle farm. I don’t take structure well. I’m not sure how I thought I would get anywhere in college either after high school. On the other hand, if I hadn’t gone to at least some classes, I wouldn’t have met Vantas.”

“And that would be a crying shame.”

“Especially because that means I wouldn’t have met you.” Dave stretches his arms up and then lets them relax down, one of them draping over John’s shoulders. John can’t help but smile at the corniness. He turns to snuggle in a bit and finds Dave looking at him, watching him. “Maybe I shouldn’t feed Vriska more often if good things like this happen.”

“I think Vriska would disapprove of that.”

“Probably. But at least she has good taste in accepting you.” His other hand comes up and cups John’s cheek. John lets him tilt his head up and a little to the side to meet his lips. Kissing Dave is almost a lazy affair. It’s amazing how little movement can feel like so much. John leans a bit harder into him, wanting to be a little closer. Dave smiles into the kiss and moves to accommodate John until they are chest to chest. John’s sure that Dave can hear how his heart is beating wildly.

John slides his fingers along and down Dave’s side. He can feel Dave’s breath catch as his fingertips find skin. He slides along until his hand is entirely pressed against Dave’s heat. He’s so warm and soft and gentle. The kiss is so nice as Dave uses his tongue to lightly explore John’s mouth, even running the tip along the backside of his buck teeth. Dave’s other hand comes around to John’s back, pulling at his shirt until he touches skin as well. John really enjoys how Dave drags his nails along his spine and muscles as he gently works his way down. John’s hand moves his hand up along Dave’s chest.

It’s John’s turn for his breath to catch in his throat as this time Dave doesn’t stop at his waistband but lets his fingers slip underneath. John makes a soft noise directly into the kiss which Dave drinks down and grips the hidden flesh to get more.

“Ah! Dave!”

“I like how you say that.”

“Dave,” John repeats again as Dave gropes him. John supposes that he’s kind of groping him back the way his hand is flexing along Dave’s chest. He needs to step it up a notch if he wants Dave to make similar noises. He slides his hands down Dave’s abs, noticing just how muscular he feels under his shirt. He feels the soft ticking of Dave’s happy trail against his palm. Dave doesn’t stop him as John reaches his pants, instead he just smirks in either encouragement or as a dare.

He’ll take that dare. He’s not scared. He’s not terrified. He’s not in denial, not at all. But as he twists his arm to angle it so that his fingers can slide underneath Dave’s jeans, he finds the task a little daunting. Especially with the button in the way, but does John want to undo the button? And encouraging squeeze of his ass helps him make the decision. The pants fall away, leaving only one layer between John’s hand and Dave’s... well, his cock. It’s so warm against John’s hand. Pretty hard and springy too as it tents the soft fabric of Dave’s boxers. It’s not like massive or anything but as far as the dicks that John knows, it’s a pretty decent one.

“Oh yeah, that’s it,” Dave sighs out. John follows him forward as Dave head tips back, mouth going to his throat and pulling more sounds out of Dave. He just starts talking about how good John feels interspersed with curses. It’s random and meaningless, but the way his voice vibrates under John’s lips is addictive. John paces the slow rock of his palm over Dave’s hardness with the rolling squeezes on his ass.

Everything is slow and smooth and connected. So different from the almost frantic desperate kisses and touches he had with Karkat.

Karkat.

Why did Karkat say that Dave and him aren’t together? Something about not being able to. That Dave can’t.

“Earth to John, my order of kisses are getting cold while your buffering. I know that’s a funny joke online to make about pausing in the middle of things like old dial up internet from the days where kids weren’t spoiled with high definition and wireless amazingness but it’s kinda lame actually in real life and you are all kinds of not lame, right Jo-”

“Why can’t you like Karkat back?”

“What?” Dave pulls back as much as he can with the couch cushions behind him. He blinks at John like he just had a severe case of whiplash. “You’re thinking about Karkat while touching my dick?”

“Oh, sorry.” John pulls his hand away and sits back on the couch, moving out of the range of Dave’s hands. Dave makes a soft sad sound at the loss like that wasn’t the intent of the question at all.

“Okay, let’s do this thing.” Dave sighs. “What did you ask again?”

“Karkat stopped us, me, the kissing thing the other night and said that you couldn’t like him back.”

“Technically true...”

“But you still have...”

“Yeah it’s complicated.”

“So...” John lets the silence fall while Dave looks on a little bit impatiently. But John’s not sure where he was going with this.

“So why are you asking, John?”

“So then.... is it okay to...?” John waves his hands around and hopes that Dave picks up what he’s talking about.

“Is it okay to make a move on my roommate? Hells yes. Like I’m doing a mental dance party over your confession that kissing things where happening between the two of you. Like wow yes. Finally.”

“What?” That wasn’t at all the direction John had been going in. Not at all what he hoped Dave would pick up on.

“That’s what your asking about right? Trust me, you aren’t stepping on my toes going after him. You have my full hearted blessing to go right on after that short cute angry man if that’s what you wanna do. As long as you don’t hurt him. He is kinda my best friend and with that comes all of the best friend obligations like hiding bodies and taking shots and picking up scorned pieces of hearts. You know, the usual. But at the same time, if you what to know all the tips and secrets to get that little feisty love machine going, you have come to the right place,” he smirks.

“No. I mean. Yes. I mean. Fuck.”

“Of course I follow completely.”

“No you don’t. I wasn’t asking that. I was asking about the two of you. He stopped the kissing thing and said it wasn’t fair to me. I wouldn’t mind doing everything you’re implying but he doesn’t want to because of...”

“Me,” Dave answers for John.

“Yeah.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah,” John agrees again. “So, why keep it complicated?”

Dave sighs. He thinks about an answer, starts, stops, sighs again. “Okay so, bare with me on this. I love Karkat like I love chocolate.” John raises his eyebrows at him, but doesn’t stop Dave. “Chocolate is my favorite flavor. If I have to randomly pick a flavor for dessert or ice cream or candy or just something I want to eat, I'll probably pick chocolate. But I'm not always going to pick chocolate. I don't want chocolate all the time, with every meal. But Karkat wants strawberry cheesecake all the time.”

“Strawberry cheesecake?” John thinks he knows where Dave is going with this, but he doesn’t want the metaphor to get too far away from him.

“I’m limiting myself to a pallet of red and white, don’t critique my art choices, novice.”

“Sure whatever.” He rolls his hands for Dave to continue.

“Anyways. He wants strawberry cheesecake but since he’s found strawberry cheesecake he really hasn’t gone out and tried other flavors. Like blue-”

“Blue raspberry?” John cuts in, thinking of what Terezi always calls him.

“I was gonna go with something a little more organic like blueberries but if you want to be referred to by that artificial abomination...”

“You are so hipster it’s painful.”

“It’s a burden I’m willing to shoulder.” He shrugs before starting again, “Anyways. I think he’d really like blue... raspberry treats if he tried some.”

“So you want me to date Karkat.” He makes it a statement not a question.

“Yes.”

“Then why do you keep kissing me?”

“Because I want to,” he answers simply like it’s most rational answer possible.

“Hm...” There are a lot of thoughts running through his head. Too many. He can’t really sort out what he wants to say or how he wants to respond to this. This sort of thing could easily lead to hurt feeling or feet in mouths and John doesn’t want to lose his two new best friends but he kinda wants something more than a best friend thing somewhere. “I have to go. I’ll be back later.”

* * *

“Hey Terezi,” he calls out as he catches the bucket of cheetos set precariously on top of the door, steps over the line of mouse traps (that’s going to be a pain to clean up), and disengages the trip wire on the icee machines. She’s perched on the counter, pouting as she didn’t hear any of her traps go off. “I need your advice.”

That pout slowly shifts to a grin that makes John regret this, but there is no turning back now.

 


	5. Resolution

‘Later’ turns out to be about a week as John pondered his situation and the advice Terezi gave him. Most of it he was able to toss under principle of it being from Terezi, but there are still some nuggets of wisdom he was willing to consider. And after all considerations are made, he’s come up with an answer. He hopes.

It takes him another two days to make plans where he confirms schedules to make sure everyone is off. He wants to give everyone time to take in what he plans. It’s taken him this long to take it in and he’s the one who came up with the plan. Instead of going over to their place, John invites Dave and Karkat over to his place for dinner. He warns them that it’s not going to be as fancy or healthy as what they usually make but they just brush his dispersions off.

He’s a bit nervous but he tries to quell the butterflies by keeping busy and cleaning every inch of his modest apartment. He starts the meal early but part of it can just simmer and another part needs to breathe a little. He has the table set and ready. The water boiling. And he’s pacing like he’s trying to wear a path into the floor. This could go horribly awry or just kinda wrong or perfectly fine and fantastic. There is a range of reactions that could happen.

Exactly as John’s clock chimes eight o’clock, an old piece that his father swore that he should have to spruce up the place, there’s a knock at the door. Well, more than one knock. It’s more like a quick rhythm that could easily go with some beat boxing and John bets that Dave is beat boxing under his breath. From the way Dave is half covering his mouth and Karkat glaring up at him, he would have won money off of that.

“Come in, come in, welcome to Casa de Egbert.”

“That was so painfully white, don’t ever do that again,” Karkat grumbles as he steps in. Dave comes in with less commentary but more obvious ogling as he looks around the apartment and peeks around the corners.

“Bathroom is to the right,” John offers.

“Nah, I’m good. Just looking around the natural environment of one John Egbert. But it seems as though you have cleaned so maybe not quiet natural but we really do feel honored, Egbert. And it sure as fuck smells good, whatchu making?” Dave asks as he comes around to the kitchen to peer over the counters.

“Strider, stop being rude. Is there anything we can help with, John?”

“Nope. Just help yourself to some wine. I have a cabernet open but I have a couple other bottles if that doesn’t work.”

“Freshly twenty-one with a wine collection? Aren’t you still supposed to be enjoying keg stands and fruity cocktails with little umbrellas?” Dave’s concerns don’t stop him from hovering over where Karkat is pouring the ruby liquid out.

“Oh, I learned those lessons back in freshman year when I was still biology. Let me tell you what happens in the bio labs, whoa boy, some parties happen. I’m surprised there hasn’t been an outbreak of something on campus. The computer science labs are a lot more tame comparatively though I suppose the drug rate is a little higher but I don’t even think about doing that. Anyways, I don’t think beer goes as well with spaghetti.” He throws the noodles into the water and sets a timer. Karkat comes around and hands him the third glass.

“Sounds like I should have tried bio, maybe I could have stayed in school... nah, who am I kidding. But seriously I want the gossip on these parties, Egbert.” Dave says as he hops up to sit on John’s counter.

John obliges and eventually all three of them are swapping stories about their experiences on campus. They come to find out that they might have been at the same party a couple of times as they are only two years apart. Karkat pours them a second round of wine as John strains the noodles and then throws them in with the sauce, bringing it over to the table in the pot, as his father used to do.

After making sure that everyone has a heaping serving and plenty of parmesan cheese, conversation dies off as they dig in. It comes back around round two as Dave starts asking about ingredients that John used and they all end up trading recipes and talking about other things they’d like to make. Conversation shifts into themed nights with meals matched with movies which turns into John’s shock that Karkat has never seen the cinematic masterpiece that is _Ghostbusters_. Dave groans as John suggests that they must watch it tonight. Karkat smirks at Dave’s pain and agrees to watch it. He helps John take everything to the kitchen to clean up while Dave opens a bottle of pinot noir because, “I should not be subjected to this level of torture but I am so I’ll need something to dull the pain.”

“It’s not torture. It’s a classic. There are so many references to it everywhere.” The night is going as well as planned but he still hasn’t gotten to the big thing yet. The wine is helping with his nerves a little. Maybe he can work up the courage after the movie. That’ll be good timing. Probably.

They all pile onto John’s sectional couch with Dave claiming the long section for him and his long legs. John calls the other arm, leaving Karkat in the middle for the movie. The first half of the movie goes well with John pointing out classic lines and cool trivia facts that he’s picked up from watching all of the behind the scenes interviews and director’s notes. When he looks over, he gets the feeling that Karkat is enjoying himself. Dave too actually despite his earlier grievances about the movie. Though John catches him looking at the two of them instead of the movie more often than not.

Apparently this gets under Karkat’s skin as he finally snaps and explodes with a “What the fuck are you looking at, Strider?” causing John to nearly jump off the couch and pause the movie to see what the problem is.

“Are you going to kiss him or not?”

“What?” Karkat scathingly replies.

Dave rolls his eyes. “You’ve been making goo goo eyes at him for the past hour and a half so why not go for the kiss? I’ll go get some popcorn to watch. Assuming you have any in your pantry, Egbert. Actually why don’t we have any popcorn right now? What a terrible host you are.”

John would laugh but Karkat’s fuming so much he’s shaking. He takes a breath and narrows his eyes at Dave as he holds up a finger. “One, we’re not a show for you to sit back and watch, douchenugget.” He holds up a second finger. “Two, I have already kissed him before so I’m not making goo goo eyes at him. And three, no. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“I mean I’m not a kissing referee and I obviously don’t know all of the rules because I’ve never laid my hands on a makeout rulebook. But why the hell not?”

“Because...” He flusters around for an answer. “Because... Because I love you still. I’m not going to give you up just because someone else strolled into my life. My heart doesn’t work that way! No matter how I feel about John. It’s not fair to him!”

“Wait... how do you feel about me?”

“SHIT FUCK!” he curses to hide the gaffe that’s too late to take back. He covers his face with his hands.

“Take that as a yes,” Dave offers.”

“SHUT UP, DAVE!” Karkat kicks at Dave’s legs causing him to pull them up onto the couch with a yelp.

“Karkat, calm down. I like you too,” John admits. Karkat turns to look at him with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. “But I get what you mean about Dave.” Both Karkat and Dave make the same confused noise at that. “He’s pretty easy to fall in love with and he’s pretty damn sexy as fuck even if I haven’t gotten all the way into his pants...”

“Almost, kid. Almost.”

“Shut up, Dave. It’s pretty obvious he can stand the both of us too.”

“I do more than stand the two of you,” says Dave as he doesn’t shut up.

“Yeah, exactly. So... what if we...” John trails off as the butterflies get the better of him. It’s hard to keep talking when Karkat is staring at him so intensely. Even Dave seems to be latched onto every word.

“If? John, use your big boy words,” he encourages.

“What if we...” His hands flail a little as he tries to remember the wording he had readied and practiced for this sort of moment. This is why he had the dinner in the first place. He’s not going to get a better chance than this. “What if we didn’t choose... if we did the triangle thing, an actual triangle thing instead of that awkward angle thing that those romantic comedies and pretty much any other ‘romantic plot’ that Hollywood want to pass off as triangles but it’s not because usually two of the corners are stuck in straight hell and but none of us are straight so we don’t have that issue so we could be a proper triangle and yeah... What if?”

There is silence for a long moment as the two of them seem to process what John had said. It came out a lot more jumbled than it was supposed to.

“I would not be opposed to having the sexy two of you in my bed at the end of the night,” Dave admits with a shrug of his shoulders. “As long as you are okay with me possibly not always being in bed at the end of the night. A tiger really isn’t going to change his stripes and an aromantic dude like me isn’t about to suddenly sprout feelings. So if you guys are okay with that...”

“Those nights would be our date nights,” Karkat states. “Wouldn’t expect anything different from you, Strider.”

“You’re okay with this, Karkat?” Those butterflies are working up a tizzy in John’s stomach but his suggestion hasn’t been shot down. Yet.

“There is still a lot to work out, but we can see how this goes. I’m willing to give it a shot. It’s the best idea you’ve had so far, John. Much better than this whimsical disdainful barf-fuck of a movie.”

“Hey!”

“No, seriously, Egbert, save us from the head trauma of finishing this. Save your boyfriends from this misery.” Both Karkat and John blush at the title but John can’t stop grinning.

“Save my boyfriends, save the world. Have you guys seen _Heroes_?”

“Anything is better than _Ghostbusters_.”

He gets up off the couch to switch out the movie with the show. He hears them talking softly behind him, some questions and quiet reassurance. Probably just them checking with each other over this crazy plan. But they didn’t treat it like it was too crazy. They could make this work. John wouldn’t have to choose between them. Karkat wouldn’t have to give up Dave to move on. Dave doesn’t sleep around nearly as much as Karkat makes out, John’s noticed.

He notices as he closes the DVD player that they’ve gone quiet. There is a feeling of dread in his stomach for a moment before he turns around. Then that feeling is quickly replaced by lust as he finds them kissing. It’s just as hot as he thought it would be.

He likes how Karkat’s fast pace is slowed down by Dave’s steady rhythm, channeled into making the kiss deeper instead as Karkat’s dark skin contrasts with Dave’s pale hair. Dave’s long body is still stretched out on the couch while Karkat is all scrunched up and wound tight. So opposite from each other but at the same time, so similar. For once, Terezi’s advice was sound.

“Maybe I should go make some popcorn.”

Karkat pulls away first with a blush high on his cheeks.

Dave doesn’t move, he just smiles like the cat that got the cream. “Or you could just come over here and kiss him like you’ve been wanting too all evening.”

John takes his suggestion into consideration and then walks to Karkat. Karkat looks up at him as John leans over, placing his hands on either side of his head. John glances at Dave out of the corner of his eye and notes his intense attention on the two of them. John returns his own to Karkat and kisses him, falling into Karkat’s fast pace biting kisses easily. John almost misses the soft moan next to him over the sounds of their lips sliding together and heart beating in his ears. He steps it up a bit, pressing Karkat into the couch.

Then suddenly there is a hand in his hair. As far as he knows, both of Karkat’s hands are gripping his arms like lifelines. The mystery is solved as John is tugged away. His lips are only bare for a moment before they are covered by Dave’s. Karkat’s little gasp of surprise and following sound of pleasure help bolster John’s hope for this new arrangement. Karkat’s hands slides up his arms and then down his front to his pants secures it. They can watch _Heroes_ another night.

 


	6. Conclusion

They both look up at the slam of the front door. Then, they look at each other with matching raised eyebrows. They weren’t expecting him to come home. In fact, they went ahead and had a pretty nice date night of homemade crab cakes with a romcom marathon and were pretty much settled in for bed. As they hear a shout wondering where they are, Karkat closes his book and John shuts down his iPad. They set them on their respective night stands just in time for Dave to crash into the room.

“There y’all are!” he cheers before flopping onto the bed between them arms outstretched so he can hit them simultaneously across their middles.

“Oof!”

“Ack! Dave! What the fuck, Strider!”

“Adore me,” he croons at the two of them. 

“Get off me you load of fruity-ass shit. What happened to you? Did you go bathing in an appletini? Fucking christ.”

“Nah, just got bumped into by a gaggle of girls,” he explains casually. “Caramel appletini was just the special of the night.”

“Lucky us,” Karkat grumbles as he shoves Dave’s arm off of him. 

“Oh come on, Karkat, it’s not his fault that he can’t get laid,” John says with a smirk.

“Hey, hey, hey now. There were plenty of hot people who were hella interested but I am no homewrecker and I swear every bikini supermodel and hot underwear hunk had a glittering ring on their finger so I was shit out of luck. Going down the list to those who were available, they didn’t make the bar set by the two lovely asses of my boyfriends who are conveniently already in my bed.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Strider.”

“Flattery might get you in my pants, Dave.”

“Hah. And once I get one of you, I get both of you,” he says with as much smugness as he can. Karkat just rolls his eyes and then rolls onto his side away from the two of them. Dave cuts his losses, for now, and shimmies his way up to kiss John messily on the face. He settles in against the pale brunet as his kisses calm down into more respectable smooches. John can taste the fact that maybe Dave had one or two of those caramel appletinis, the alcohol still sweet on his breath. It makes Dave’s limbs loose and languid as his arm comes up to slide over the top of the bed covers to cup John’s face. Long fingers slide into dark locks as easily as his tongue slides into John’s mouth. 

John lets out a soft moan even as he mentally grumps at the fact that his legs are trapped below the comforter because he really wants to entangle himself with Dave. But he can’t find a moment to pull away long enough to free himself, because he really doesn’t want to leave Dave’s mouth. From the way Dave is holding him close, he doesn’t want John to move away either. John simply makes do with wrapping his arms around Dave’s back and slipping his hands under Dave’s shirt. He can feel a bit of the stickiness from spilled drinks. Dave will need a shower before he goes to bed. If this night goes the way Dave wants, then they’ll all need a shower before bed.

Suddenly there is extra pressure against John’s face and something warm against the back of his hand. He smiles into the kiss as Karkat takes up the noble cause of kissing Dave along the back of his neck. He can feel the quick rhythm of kiss after kiss then a long one that John knows will result in a good, dark hickie against Dave’s pale skin. As he goes back to the quick kisses and nibbles, Karkat’s arm slides in under Dave’s armpit to grab his shoulder from the front. He then bodily rolls Dave back away from John getting whines from both boys.

“Get naked, Egbert. And get on top of the fucking bed so we can see you,” Karkat growls out making them both shiver. They like it when he gets all bossy and in charge. 

As John scrambles to comply he glances over and finds Karkat already in compliance. His dark skin is completely bare and pressed against Dave from his shoulders to his toes. The taller of the pair is trying to take off his club clothes but Karkat is pinning him down and making him watch John undress. Not that Dave’s eyes were going to be leaving John any time soon. John shivers under the attention of drunk bright red eyes and the dark sultry pair smouldering at him over Dave’s pale shoulder. John can see the hunger kick up another level when he pushes down his pants and steps out of his last article of clothing.

“Egbert, grab the good stuff,” Karkat orders. Dave’s breath catches in his throat. “He wants us to adore him. So let’s adore him fully.”

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, please, please, Karkat! Please John!” Dave’s hips twitch despite Karkat’s grip on him. 

John smiles and grabs the nice bottle of lube from the nightstand. It’s not like their other stuff was bad, but those are best for the quick sessions between pairs or when they are too frantic to grab anything else or Dave wants to use his weird flavored ones. They only really pulled out the good lube for the threesomes. He tosses the bottle to Karkat to start warming as he slides back onto the bed to lay along Dave’s front.

“I don’t know, Dave, you don’t seem eager enough-”

“Please, please, fuck, please John!”

“I mean, you’re still dressed and everything,” John teases even though he knows that Karkat kept him dressed for John. One of John’s favorite things to do is peel his boyfriend's clothes off. 

He slides his hands up along Dave’s chest under his shirt, letting the fabric gather on his forearms. Dave moans at the contact and rolls his hips as if to tempt John into going faster. It doesn’t work and John just creeps up as his fingernails dig into the pale flesh with white then red trails following. He pauses to thumb his nipples to make him moan and shake and curse him out for taking so long. Finally, he gets up to Dave’s shoulders and there is a bit of shuffling and squirming to get Dave’s shoulders off the bed enough to get the shirt off and over his head. John’s hands run up the length of Dave’s arms until finally the fabric falls away. 

Even as the shirt settles somewhere else, John leans in and starts kissing and sucking along Dave’s now exposed skin, determined to leave his own marks to match Karkat’s. His nimble fingers work to undo Dave’s belt, button, and zipper. By now, John’s too wound up to tease Dave and he works fast to get Dave’s jeans off. Karkat thankfully helps get the thicker fabric down Dave’s hips and thighs, but leaves John to do the rest as he gets distracted by Dave’s ass, the smooth muscle begging to be groped and fondled. Dave tries to kick the jeans off the rest of the way but nearly knees John in the face so his two boyfriends have to pin him until he is as naked as they are. 

“Please, please, please, oh my fuck! Stop teasing me and just get to the part where you fuck me silly!” He begs as they both wordlessly decide to take a minute to appreciate the physique laid bare in front of them. “Fuck, stop looking and start touching me!”

As tempting as it is to just let him beg and writhe in front of them, they decide to move on, laying on his either side with their bodies touching as much as possible. They get a pornographic moan for their efforts that jumps up a couple notes as Karkat gets a couple lubed fingers between them to rub against his entrance. 

John further bombards Dave with sensations by kissing him and stroking his dick. He loves how shivery Dave gets when he’s overwhelmed. He gasps for air and tries to hold onto his grasp on reality, but with the way the two of them adore him, break him down, touch him all over with hot hands and hot mouths on his mouth and neck, there really isn’t much he can do but cling onto John.

“We got you. We adore you. We’re gonna make you feel good. We’re gonna fuck you so good,” John tells him. “We’re gonna get both of our cocks in you and fuck you so hard.”

Sex between Dave and Karkat had been good (albeit usually a drunken affair with inhibitions tossed to the wind with a round of guilt afterwards), but John brought in an element of kink on top of the threesome angle of their relationship. They’ve learned so much about the world of sex and each other while exploring what they like in the bedroom. They found out that Dave very much loves to be in the middle between his two boyfriends and stuffed full. 

“Put your fingers where your mouth is, John and help me stretch him out.” Karkat tosses the lube over Dave’s hip before returning to said task. John snickers at the range of sounds Karkat gets out of Dave while he’s slicking up his fingers. He gently taps Dave’s top thigh when he’s ready. Dave moans some more as the shift moves Karkat’s fingers into new angles. John feels around down there and finds the other already has three in Dave. He slips one of his in as well and smears fresh lube around on the tight ring of muscle. 

“Oh yeah, oh yeah, fuck, that’s it, open me, stuff me. Fuck. I want to feel you inside me. Both of you. Ah!” he cries out as John works a second. It’s always amazing to watch his composure just crumble. He’s usually so smooth and suave, so to see him like this is such a treat. John chuckles softly as he kisses his neck, sucking lightly over the mark that Karkat made.

“What’s so funny, John? Want to share with the rest of the class?” Karkat growls over his chest. John’s not sure how angry and stern could be so sexy but it totally is. John needs to do more teacher/student roleplays with Karkat

“Just thinking about how much of a sloppy bitch Dave is with a couple fingers in his ass-”

“More than a couple, jesus fuck, give me more!”

“When he tries to be mister cool guy all the time.”

“Shut up! I am cool!” he tries to argue but loses the rest of anything he was going to say as Karkat works a fourth in.

“Sure you are,” Karkat purrs out. “Coolest guy in the club. Probably could have had that whole bachelorette party eating out of your hands-”

“Or sucking his dick.”

“If you hadn’t really wanted a double dicking tonight. You came home wanting this, hoping for this. Slut.” Dave shudders with his whole body at the degradation murmured into his ear.

“I’m ready, I’m ready, fuck, I need the two of you, please!”

Both John and Karkat pull their fingers out and use the extra lube on their own hard, ready cocks. Dave shivers and whines as he waits for them to line up. John slides in first since he as the trickier angle coming from the front. It also helps put some frictions on Dave’s mostly neglected dick as it rubs against John’s stomach. John moans at Dave’s heat as he slides into his stretched hole, admiring how relaxed and loose his boyfriend is.

That all changes when Karkat lines his dark cock up and presses the head against the entrance already taken up by John’s girth. But with a little pressure and a soft cry from Dave, he slips in as well. John rewards Dave with soft kisses across his cheeks. Karkat reminds him to breathe and relax as they let him adjust to being filled so completely. 

They know the exact moment he’s ready from previous experience. John pushes in while Karkat pulls out almost all the way then pushes in as John pulls out. Dave is quickly reduced to a blithering mess of ‘fuck’ and ‘please’ and wordless moans as he is rocked between the two of them. John loves the feeling of his cock trapped between Dave’s tightness and Karkat’s heat. The friction on both sides will make this quick but after all of the foreplay and the intensity of the situation, John’s pretty sure everyone will leave satisfied.

Unsurprisingly, Dave comes first with a cry mangling their two names together, he’s just so perfectly overwhelmed. John stills a little as he kisses and pets Dave through his orgasm. Karkat keeps rocking away though, taking advantage of the tightness around the two cocks. He muffles his own cry when he come by biting down on Dave’s shoulder. John watches with half lidded eyes as his two boys get quivery and loose with pleasure. Karkat falls back first, leaving Dave half empty and moaning still for John. 

“Please, please, fuck please John, just, just fuck me until, please, fuck me til you come, John, wanna make you come.”

“I’m so close, Dave,” John reassures him. He pulls Dave’s lifted leg close, hooking it over his own thigh as he rocks forward again. Dave cries out through his oversensitivity but John knows better than to stop from previous experience. He knows that Dave will probably even get off again. 

He rolls back into it with a slower, smoother pace, one that he knows Dave loves. He enjoys drawings out the moans on the deep slide in and the smooth slide out. Dave clings to him still, his sweaty skin still sweet with the spilled alcohol making everything smell like apples and caramel and sex. John’s glad that Dave came home tonight. His date with Karkat was nice and romantic, but Dave was another layer that the two of them can share. 

Just as he finishes that thought, a dark hand reaches up and intertwines fingers with John’s hand. It’s enough to let him feel connected and involved. John squeezes it back and starts thrusting into Dave a little faster because he is close and from the way Dave sounds, he’s also right at the edge again. 

“Come on, you cumslut, make John come inside of you, have him add to the mess that I left in your ass. You can do it. You’re such a pretty whore, Dave. Such a lovely fuck, You let us do things to you, you let us fuck you like this, you enjoy it. Come on now, don’t hold back, don’t hold back, Dave. Come again for, John, tighten up that loose hole and make him come too,” Karkat commands darkly into Dave’s ear.

“Oh fuck oh fuck oh fu-” Dave cuts himself off with a high pitched moan as he comes again, dragging John along with him as well just as Karkat told him to. John’s nearly silent with his orgasm, but Dave is making enough noise for the both of them.

John slowly comes down with heavy pants, gently slipping out of a very limp Dave who whimpers a little at the extra sensation, but Karkat is right there with shushes and soft pets, telling Dave how well he did, how good he is. John smiles softly at the pair. Red eyes eventually flutter open to look up at him with a sparkle that John savors.

He knows they probably need to shower but the bathroom feels so far away for his leadened muscles and he knows Dave won’t manage to stand for a good six hours so he supposes they can just take a shower in the morning and do laundry for the bedsheets. John takes Karkat’s heavy sigh as a sign he came to the same conclusion as well. He smiles and kisses his boyfriends before grabbing the blanket to settle in for a good post-sex night of sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> So as the tag says, the first chapter was inspired by a Not Always Right post. It fit the characters all too well and so I ran with it. And then someone complimented my participles and so I kept running with it. For more information feel free to check out my tumblr, aeacustero there as well.


End file.
